Just a quick update on progress: my GP is going to arrange for a neurology appointment for me; as yet I don’t have any details about when this will be.

Until then, I will keep the blog updated when things change, but I imagine there will be little news until I have actually been seen by the neurologist.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me so far.

mattduffin:

(crossposted to http://xyrem.tumblr.com)

The manic phase of bipolar disorder is caused by an excessive depolarisation rate of cells in the brain (I have not said neurons because I do not know whether astrocytes, etc. depolarise) and that an increase in polarisation is a positive feedback event. Neuroleptics work by decreasing neurotransmitter sensitivity, thereby curtailing the feedback loop.

The delusional connections that I made between unrelated concepts when I was last manic were likely caused by cells that usually don’t fire together firing together due to increased polarisation, leading to unrelated concepts being incorrectly linked in my mind.

Similarly applying this neurogenic theory of mania to bipolar depression, I theorise that depression is caused by a lack of depolarisation sensitivity, meaning that cells that should fire together don’t. Therefore, because my mind isn’t functioning as well as I know it can leads to my mood lowering. Eventually, the combination of low mood and low performance causes a negative depolarisation feedback loop.

Therefore, a recovery from bipolar (and a restoration of normal neural function) is achieved by causing a balance in the rate of neural depolarisation.

sarphire:

“I am drowning in my dream; I do not exist in reality.”

— (via oblakzaborava)

(Source: larmoyante)

To all who are interested: sorry for the silence, but I’ve been in hospital because of an illness that has been diagnosed as bipolar affective disorder - am out now and will start rekindling my activity as I feel better.

A big thanks to everyone (but in particular Lyn Duffin, Aaron Northey-Stevens, Stephen Duffin, Alison Northey, Amelia Duffin, Adam Rojas, Melanie Duffin and Sean Cope) who supported me during this dark time in my life. (And of course, not forgetting the staff of Prospect Park Hospital.)

little-rebellion asked:

Hi! I was wondering, as if/when your petition actually gets the government to take notice it will still take time for legislation to be changed, it may take some time for them to take notice and the fact you have an ongoing condition have you ever considered moving to a country where Xyrem is more readily available. If so why is this not an option for you and would you recommend it for others with similar conditions while they wait for legislation to be changed?

Thanks very much for taking the time to write in your question to the blog.

Legislation moves like frozen molasses unfortunately. We see this all the time with technology - it’s moving quicker than the government can keep up with. So, I’m prepared for a long wait for the decriminalisation of Xyrem.

I would definitely consider moving to a country that has more liberal laws around Xyrem (although I can’t think of any right now), but the issue sadly is money. I need to work to earn enough to pay for the things I need, and I don’t think that I’d have enough (depending on the country) to migrate, especially with the language barriers, etc.

It’s a good idea, but one that will limit me unfortunately.

Accidentally posted this at mattduffin.tumblr.com, posting it in the proper place now!

An anonymous reader asked:

Which foods contain GHB? I suffer from hypersomnia to a certain extent in that I get powerful, stressful, frightening dreams for hours every night and wake up exhausted. My brain wakes up but I cannot move my body, sometimes because it seems to weigh a ton, sometimes because I get ‘sleep paralysis’. I’m on anti-depressants for clinical depression, and I have a son with paranoid schyzophrenia.He sleeps for about 15-16 hours a day, and even if I try to wake him it’s impossible. I wish you luck.

GHB (Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid or γ-Hydroxybutyric acid, also known as 4-hydroxybutanoic acid and sodium oxybate) is a carbohydrate. As such, GHB is found extensively throughout the human diet: all animal-flesh foods contain GHB, as do wine, beef, and small citrus fruits. It is also found naturally in most animals’ (including humans’) central nervous systems.

From the symptoms that you are describing, you sound like somebody who may have full-blown hypersomnia or narcolepsy. Have you had a polysomnography, as I described in my blog post about how hypersomnia is diagnosed?

This post is duplicated from my Creative Rambling blog at mattduffin.tumblr.com. I have replicated it here as it is useful to show the impact that bipolar affective disorder can have on one’s state of mind.

When I was ill in hospital, I was convinced that it was possible to fork consciousnesses (just as one forks processes into multiple threads) to do some processing work, and then merge back into the primary process when the work is complete.

I genuinely thought that I was the first human being to have attained consciousness. I needed a question answered, so I forked to create my Mum. Mum then saw that I was lonely, so forked to create Aaron, my boyfriend. At the same time, I forked to create my Dad so that they could co-fork to create my two identical twin sisters, Amelia and Melanie.

I gave people the ackles (cryptographic access keys) to do certain things with their avatars (physical manifestations on Earth of their running process) - for instance, Mum wanted her hair to be blonder, so I gave her the access key (sdofjefojsdopfjdfojadpojeropjaorjdfopjasojae) to change her hair colour.

I gave instructions on the question I wanted answered, and left it to my child (Mum and Dad) processes and descendant processes (Aaron, Amelia, Melanie, etc.) to answer the question - they have the ackles to fork at will until enough processes (people) exist to answer the question I asked.

Eventually, a tail process will know the answer, and will merge back into its parent process, ad infinitum, until Mum and Dad merge back into me - the primary process. I will then have the answer to my question and can then ask another one, hence my liking of the Big Bounce theory of cosmology - each time a question is asked, the universe expands just enough to answer that question (as processes fork) and then shrinks again (as processes merge).

I bet there’s a good science fiction novel in that - it has precepts similar to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (HHGTG / HHG2G) and Accelerando.

Oh, and the question I asked to begin the forking was, “Who am I?”. The answer I got back was, “You are Matt Duffin”. It was that answer that allowed me to gain consciousness.